Why We ARE Doing Presents This Christmas

Last year when I boldly declared “we’re not doing presents” I felt relieved, wholesome and that my soul had been relinquished from the consumerist-Demogorgans that feast on the festering flesh of Christmas morning aka our children. A touch dramatic? Perhaps! But hopefully this conveys the modicum of hope this brought to my festive season of 2016. I’d, of course, hoped this would become our Christmas tradition and our children would shed their greed nourished, Philistinian skins to reveal Swallow & Amazon-esque delights – charmingly feral, lacking in materialistic desires; but then I realised I’m not 21 and my pelvic floor is shattered, so promptly readjusted my expectations.

I still love the reasons we didn’t do presents last Christmas (you can read about it HERE) and ironically, with all the money in the world (or even just a bit more than we have), we’d do it again – sack off tat that no-one really needs and head off somewhere with the brood to top up our laughter levels and bask in each other’s company – most likely after a 4 hour car journey from hell in which I state I don’t want to spend any more time with these small humans that keep following us around – every family trip has its ups and downs and downs, right?! But the reality is, 2017 has been a year of just living on the money we have and eternally saving for that patio. So, this year we’ll be staying at home, in our lovely ,new, extended home (which stole all our money!) and yet again, doing presents. Although, I think/hope the broken record of “nope, you were all horrible last year” from 2016 is still ringing in the little stocking scavengers ears, like a maternal earworm of Mariah Carey “All I Want for Christmas” proportions. This nugget of joy will hopefully thrust them more towards my Dickensian cherub idyll and away from greedy, yuletide bell-ends – when we inform them, this year it’s on a budget! A word kids, of course, understand and love!

So, here’s the honest bit, and you might want to poke me in the eye with a candy cane for being a bit of an insta/blog wanker, but I’m only revealing this in the lifelong pursuit of being honest (with a pathologic need to continually explain myself)! I’ve initiated the “break even” Christmas – of course, this only relates to wonga, not my sanity, as we all know that’ll be thin on the ground come boxing day! So, I’m hoping (on an effing prayer) that we can fund Christmas in a number of ways so that minimal needed cash is spent…

• Selling our unwanted crap (and there’s quite a lot of it!) on eBay.
• I’m bloody lucky that every now and then I get sent some free shit for doing this ‘ere blog. So, while I’m not going to be approaching any companies begging to fill up my kids’ stockings, the ones who have come to me offering vouchers, clothes or toys which I genuinely think the kids would love (after all, no one wants that bag of frozen Kale I keep getting emailed about!) have been stashed for the big day! (I’d usually just hand them straight out to the kids to snap a pic to flog on the t’internet.)
• I’ve revealed before that occasionally I get chucked money my way too for doing the odd #ad, and luckily, while quite essential to our family, is technically supplementary. So, the couple of blog jobs I’ve got lined up for December, will be the Christmas fund, to top up on all those other important festive activities which made our present-free Chrimbo of last year much more memorable – ice skating a trillion times on our local (slightly crap, but that’s why it’s great) temporary ice rink, feeding reindeer and tea with Santa at the garden centre. Don’t say I don’t know how to go wild at Christmas!!!

So, there’s the tell-all as to why we’re back to doing presents in 2017 – not what I wanted, but like the spoilt brats I’m trying my hardest not to raise, I sometimes don’t get my own way! But I will get that bloody patio if it kills me!

Right, get the Lidl Prosecco on ice and the 5-bird roast in, it’s going to be a long day!