It would appear there’s a shoe-destruction elf at the boys school. Admittedly I’m yet to receive the email informing me of such, which I imagine would be in a similar manner to the “there’s nits in your kids class – watchout” text that I receive twice a month, but I have the evidence to show he exists… Whilst they sit at their desks beautifully, listening attentively to their teachers every word simultaneously writing poetry whilst unicorns graze in the playground, the mischievous little imp does everything in his power to destroy a perfectly good pair of boy’s school shoes which cost moi anything between £30-£60, depending on the desperation level I’d reached at not being able to find decent school shoes in the boys’ sizes at a moments notice. This is an easier pill to swallow than that of “my children just decimate footwear with little regard for my bank balance.”