It was only last week I was waxing lyrical about being real when it comes to being a mummy – how for every pic that makes it to my instagram feed there have been at least 10 almost identical images, just not quite so flattering. With 5 boys in tow from 0-13 getting everyone in one frame, looking in roughly the same direction and without flipping the bird, is nothing short of a miracle . So, on these rare occasions I plaster that bloody pic everywhere in the same way a fashionista might brandish her black, snakeskin Berkin bag she found in a charity shop for £4.99! Yes, that’s how I feel about the wonder of a picture featuring all 5 boys, in some semblance of “acceptable” – like I’ve stumbled across a £30k bag for a couple of quid!

I recently posted a pic, that received a fab number of likes (for my level of Instagram), helped me bag a brand rep deal and has started numerous conversations across social media about being a mum/step-mum to so many boys.  But I want to make it perfectly clear, this picture was not a one off quick snap – it was an orchestrated effort on not only my part but Mr Only Girl was in on this too! The only way to help all you mamas appreciate that even the most “perfect” family pic has tantrums involved is to spell it out…

THAT pic, as the World saw it

One sunny Sunday afternoon, the boys decided they wanted milkshakes – yes, they wanted me to immediately halt whatever I was doing to make a huge mess in the just cleaned kitchen! But in the spirit of being a “yes mum” I offered the deal – if you walk up the road and get the ice cream, I’ll make the milkshakes.

20 minutes later, ice cream in hand (slightly soft due to their dawdling) I happily (read: slightly pissed off) made their milkshakes – various flavours, of course, as the fussy buggers don’t all like banana!

It was then that it struck me – the tagline of “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…” – perfect, “Mr Only Girl, get the camera ready, we’re having a group shot!”.

• On asking why they all had to be pictured, it was explained it’s kinda mummy’s job and in exchange for the milkshake a picture was a small price. No picture – no milkshake!
• Hugo, aged 8, not wanting to be torn away from Fifa declared he was not taking part! He was cruelly told (yes, by me) that if he did not partake in family pictures, no one would know he was part of this family and when the lovely peeps over at Thomson send us away on holiday next year they might not know to include him! No picture – no holiday!
• Finally succumbing to the holiday bribe (perhaps a touch extreme) – “Fine, but I’m not going to smile!”
• Sunglasses firmly in place as no makeup had been painted on that day… let the fun begin…

Finally, the perfect picture was produced (OK, the baby might not be playing ball, but 4 outta 5 ain’t bad!) – smiles, happy, all looking at Mr Only Girl still snapping away by this little nugget of family gold and a recommendation for families with boys when trying to conduct a family portrait…

“Everyone shout Bellend!”

“BELLEND!”

*BREATHE tee from the fab Gray By Southwood Stores – always keeping me grounded!